You can’t live a complete life without once going pseudo-camping.

So this past weekend, my family and I ventured into rural Idaho for the adventure of a lifetime: PSEUDO-CAMPING. At first, I was a bit hesitant of the undertaking, but upon arrival at “the white house,” I realized that I could have a little fun with this trip by photographically documenting all the elements of pseudo-camping. Which I did.

So since you can’t live a complete life without once going pseudo-camping, I figure I ought to make a guidebook (or guide-blog-post, whichever you prefer) for the people of the world who don’t know how to pseudo-camp. If you don’t know how to pseudo-camp, it’s a darn good thing you are reading this, because I am about to tell you how.

How to Pseudo-Camp
Written by Kelsey Page
Photography by Kelsey Page
Videography by Kelsey Page

Pseudo-Camping. This may or may not be a familiar term to you. For those of you who do not know what pseudo-camping means, I shall define it for you, or, rather, dictionary.com will.

pseu·do

[soo-doh] –adjective

1. not actually but having the appearance of; pretended; false or spurious; sham.

2. almost, approaching, or trying to be.

camp

[kamp] –noun

1. a place where an army or other group of persons or an individual is lodged in a tent or tents or other temporary means of shelter.

2. such tents or shelters collectively: The regiment transported its camp in trucks.

So, by this definition, pseudo-camping is having the appearance of being lodged in a tent or other temporary mean of shelter. I would say that is quite an accurate description of pseudo-camping, since that is the definition. Now we shall discuss some of the essentials of pseudo-camping.

In order to properly pseudo-camp, you must have the following:

  1. A house on whose lawn you may camp (preferably in a not-too-populated area as to make you feel like you are actually camping)
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  2. A nice RV to let your aunt and uncle sleep in, because they don’t like to actually camp in tents (see picture above)
    [As a side note, having cable in the RV is always nice too, but not quite as necessary. See picture below, and make sure to notice the receiver on top.]
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  3. A propane-powered fire to make you feel as though you are putting forth effort. It really adds to the camping effect. (sorry that I didn’t get a picture of the fire while it was running.)
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  4. A bathroom with running water inside the house to make things a lot easier. (I thought it inappropriate to take a picture for this one, sorry.)
  5. Your tent must be in very close proximity to the house.
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  6. Cell phone service is an unwavering requirement. (I got better service up there than I do in my room.)
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  7. A gas lantern to provide light, heat, and danger. (I received this beautiful burn by bumping into the gas lantern.)
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  8. A guard dog on duty.
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  9. At least three air beds to sleep on. (We had three.)
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  10. Lots of weeds in the surrounding areas so you can forge your own trails as you go on a “nature walk.” It makes you feel as though you are living on the edge, much like real campers do. [It is nice if the weeds are taller than your guard dog.]
    CIMG9079
  11. Lots of trees between you and your destination so you can make your way through the wilderness. (My dad even compared us to the army of Helaman.) In the following picture, my cousin (who is the focal point of the picture) came straight from where she is in the picture to where I took the picture from. Through the trees.
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  12. Some local wildlife for you to observe. A good example is cows, especially ones who follow you.
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  13. A natural bridge or some other wonder of nature for you to have as your destination of your nature walk. (This was taken from atop the natural bridge.)
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  14. An uncle who likes shooting, so you can coincidentally run into him on your way back from the nature walk and take turns shooting his .22 (It was the RV uncle.)
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  15. Some smoke bombs to set off randomly throughout the day are always nice.
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  16. It is good to have Grandma and Grandpa’s house nearby so that if you are ever in need of a big screen tv, you can have one within minutes.
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  17. Portable video games so that you are not bored out of your mind on this pseudo-camping trip.
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  18. An iPhone is also good.
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  19. A football to toss around when you get bored of video games, or when your mother forces you to abandon the video games.
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  20. A fishing pole is handy (especially because there is a pond with fish in it about 100 yards away from the “campground”)
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  21. Camp chairs are a must of pseudo-camping. You have to be able to follow the shade! (and write stories.) Plus, camp chairs even have the word “camp” in their title. They make you sound more official in your pseudo-camping.
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  22. A refrigerator. (I forgot to take a picture, but I am sure you know what a fridge looks like.) A fridge definitely adds excitement to your pseudo-camping adventure because not only does it keep food cold, but also it adds yet another element of danger.  (Within ten minutes of arriving at our “campsite,” I had pinched my finger….closing the refrigerator.)
  23. It is good to bring fireworks and Sobe bombs in case you get bored at night on the 24th of July….even though you might not be in Utah.
    If you don’t know what a Sobe bomb is, it is a glass Sobe bottle with some diesel fuel in it and a hole punched in the lid. You stick it in a fire, and this is what it looks like:
    (this is the one we did) (and sorry that you have to turn your head sideways)
  24. Also, it is lovely if the kids present make Nature Paste. It just makes you feel more in tune with nature.
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  25. Grandma’s house comes in handy yet again – a nice place to get ready for church.
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  26. And, last but definitely not least, the trip is made quite a bit more enjoyable if you happen to have a funny picture of a dog.
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Well folks, thank you very much for learning how to pseudo-camp today. I hope you will be able to put this knowledge into effect soon and go on many pseudo-camping adventures of your own.

Yours truly,
Kelsey

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5 thoughts on “You can’t live a complete life without once going pseudo-camping.

  1. Audrey says:

    Kel this was an awesome post! I will so have to try pseudo camping sometime with all of those things! :)

  2. Mom says:

    Yeah, pseudo-camping is da (Sobe) bomb! I barely had to get dirty, yet I still had a delicious tin-foil dinner with s’mores for dessert! Perfect!

  3. brad! says:

    Being an experienced psuedo-camper myself, I can testify that this is one heck of guide!! Very accurate and comical. Good work :)

    p.s. Aud (if that is in fact my twin up above) we used to go psuedo-camping all the time up at the cabin!!! DUH!!

  4. Whitney says:

    Hey! I’ve psuedo camped before! But not with the same requirements as you. :)

  5. Whitney says:

    pseudo. haha

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