The Genius Behind Vending Machines

Whoever created vending machines is either an idiot or a genius. I am inclined to believe the latter. Let me reason this claim.

The original idea behind vending machines must have been something along these lines: “Let’s create a box to sell food that people wouldn’t normally buy. Since they’re hungry, they’ll buy it, even if it’s gross and grossly overpriced, just because it’s available to them.”

What the heck? This guy is pure genius. Let’s make a ridiculous profit on crappy food. I am starting to wish that I had been the first one to come up with this freaking idea. This guy is genius #1 that I will be discussing.

As a child, I saw vending machines left and right and I always wished that I was cool enough to use them. There were vending machines available to me in high school, but the high prices and my lack of craving for low quality food led me to never purchase anything from them. Then, my college life hit. In my first year of college, I had a meal plan. Meal plan is basically code for free money. You swipe your ID card, and voila! food ready for consumption. In this year, I utilized the vending machines. Then, post-meal plan, I realized how disgusting vending machine food really was, and I swore off it.

So, as established, vending machine food is disgusting and overpriced. But people still buy it. Why? I may never know. I think it’s just because it’s there, and people like to eat. By that, I don’t mean “people like to eat good food,” because vending machine food would definitely not fall under that category. I mean, “people like to eat any food they can get their hands on.” That is why I think many people buy food from vending machines.

So this guy who came up with a box that sells yucky food for too much money basically came up with the best way to make money. Ever. (excepting a career, of course.)

Genius #2: Vending Machines That Sell Drinks Guy, aka probably some affiliate of Coca-Cola.

So genius #2 saw this great profit-turner called the vending machine and realized that he could do something great. He thought that instead of selling low quality food out of these magic boxes, he could sell some low quality drinks and some high quality drinks from the box. This is where this guy got it right — mix in the low quality with the high quality. Now, he definitely still kept the high price factor in there. Otherwise the whole idea of making a profit goes down the drain. But if you get some high quality stuff  mixed in there, people will buy it. You can even overprice it even more, and people will still buy it.

This quenchy-box, aka drink machine, (I haven’t researched this, but I’m just assuming it’s true) has given Coca-Cola a nice turn as far as money-making goes. I don’t doubt that they have made a hefty sum off these little things. So I’m thinking it’s probable that genius #2 was somehow in cahoots with CC.  But either way, he did it right.

I will admit to not being as opposed to quenchy-boxes as I am to regular food vending devices. I would never buy a bottle of soda from a vending machine (especially after once purchasing a bottle of Fanta and not enjoying any of it), but I can definitely agree with the sentiments of juice or Fuze or Powerade or whatever. Way to go, genius #2.

Now, the ultimate genius of all genii (that’s a real word) :  The person who never buys anything from a vending machine. They are definitely genius #3 and the champion of them all. Vending machines are the ultimate waste of money and health. If you want to be healthy and have money, DO NOT BUY FOOD FROM VENDING MACHINES. You can buy low quality food if you want to, but don’t do it via vending machine. At least buy it from a grocery store where you can get 6 for the price of 1 from the vending machine. But even better would be if you bought high quality food from a not-overpriced store. Ultimate frugality.

The man who invented a vending machine is indeed a genius. But you can be even more of a genius if you don’t utilize these magic money-wasting health-depriving boxes.


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